I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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