I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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