I wanna bring you to show and tell
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize