I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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