I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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