My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
