I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
