the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We talked him into tasing himself.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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