im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I will pee on everything he values.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am naked and annoyed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
