Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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