Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
