saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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