In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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