They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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