woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
