I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
