believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
