Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
