90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize