You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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