yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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