she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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