this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He has the fingertips of a God
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