Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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