I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
