i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
