I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
