One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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