Pappa wants mamma naked
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
