Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
