idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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