yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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