she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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