i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
