If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
