don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
