Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
