I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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