moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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