John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
