here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So many bounce houses so little time
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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