Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she looked like the before picture.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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