It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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