It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Semen is not good for contacts.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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