Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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