where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
North Korea, Best Korea!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
