Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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