There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
