I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
my god I love twenty year old dicks
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
