I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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