whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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