glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
