You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
