one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
