I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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