You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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