yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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