u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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