Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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