you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize