Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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