dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
