just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
