everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
