Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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