Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
