Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
